WHO hammered the Nails into my Bro's Coffin. Taking Names & Numbers. We killed him. We are rseponsible.

WHO hammered The Nails into My Bro's Coffin.

Taking Names & Numbers.

It's been a Month since Joey died.  Needlessly.

My Kid Brother.

And now certain Things must be said & cleared up.

How the Victimization of Battered Man's Syndrome emerges & evolves.

A true to Life Episode.

DateLine:  February 6, 2020 - 12:22 - 1:21 PM CST
BLOG Published:  2/6/2020 - 3:07 PM CST

RE:  One entire Month has passed since JOEY died.

Mom & I are still traumatized and in-denial about him being gone.

However, if anything is to be learned from this horrible Situation is that what is put on The Death Certificate may  hardly even begin to scratch-The-Surface of what was going on in The Deceased's Life.  Such is - was 'The Case' with my Kid Brother:  

JOEL STEVEN KOOPERSMITH.  

And, what I pieced together in early January of 2020 after he died on January 6TH would open The Eyes of ME & 521 People who read my Posts and Blog.  In ways never ever known before, Joe covered up his Pain.  He suffered from 

Battered Man's Syndrome

that is very real and little spoken about.  However, The Internet has descriptive Articles about how Abusers cut into and tear-down their Victims who (being [a] MALE) feel they should be in control, but will not let on that they are suffering.  In a Sentence:  

It is not the MACHO - MANLY Thing to do...

Yet the Repercussions could be deadly as it was in the Case of my Little Brother; shortening their Lives by Decades.  Who would ever, ever, ever know...

BUT HOW DOES THIS BEGIN?

That was the First Question that I asked as I pieced together the last 64 Years & 282 Days of Joey's Life.  Where did Violence, Control & Mishaps enter in which he would be rendered as an Innocent Victim, one who was really ignorant of The Ways of The World.

WHO WOULD DO THIS & WHY?

EVENT #1:

JOE's First Attacker (as I call The People who physically - mentally - spiritually abuse a Battered Male Victim) was ME.  Yes, I was surprised too, to realize this.  Joe was visiting MOM during the Summer of 2017 while CALi & I were 'in transit.'  He made a comment (from out of The Blue) that he lost all faith in me as his Older Sister and did not trust me after I clobbered him in the Garage when he was about 6 or 8 years old.  Never wanting a Brother or Sister, he plainly badgered me; he became a Pest (taking my Clothes & bothering me in general)  while We were "growing up Koopersmith" in Mendota, IL.  An affluent Family - the richest of 3 whereby Our Father was Mayor for nearly 16 years - 4 Terms.  He wielded a lot of POWER & had a Violent Streak that would erupt at any Time.  What happened and appeared OUTSIDE OF OUR HOME (behind our 4 Walls) was totally different than what was occurring behind CLOSED DOORS...as this Story reveals. 

In The Bible & in general Circles, this is called Sibling Rivalry. On that Designated Day (in the garage), I took 1 of our Child's Rakes - (made of heavy-duty plastic) - and hit him - clobbered him over the head.  Mom was inside The House, making her delicious Chicken Soup in the Kitchen  When she realize what happened, she rushed Joey to the Community Hospital  4 blocks away.  Upon coming home, the Soup had boiled over, making our House appear that it was on fire.  That night, at the supper table, nothing was brought up about 'The Attack.'  In other words, My Father was not told & I was not punished. As I think about it, I do not know what SNAPPED in me to physically take that RAKE & strike him, but I never wanted Brothers or Sisters. He disturbed me. I struck back.

FAST-FORWARD TO JULY OF 2017:  When JOE told me about this Incident that happened 50+ years ago (about his pent up feelings), I had a very empty feeling in my Gut knowing that for some 55-58 years or so of his Life, after that Attack, he housed those Feelings about me. And, there was NO JUSTICE.  He must have felt SO alone. If me, I could not really blame him.  I had no Idea (til then) and especially now as I decided to delve more into his untimely Death.

EVENT #2:

Joe's Second Attacker (as I call the People who physically abuse a Battered Male Victim was my Father, Louie Koopersmith Mayor Mendota - where Power & Control was his Middle Name. The leading Events was that Dad would catch Joey & beat him with his belt.  And, I do not recall that JOE did anything 'bad.'  The most horrendous EVENT occurred when Dad tackled JOE, thru him to the floor & began beating him around his BACK in our Living Room at 1407 Lakeview Drive, our Home that we all lived in from 1959 to 1977.  Yelling MERCY! MERCY!, our Father  was relentless - he would not get up.  My Mother pleaded, but Dad kept pummeling him. I stood there & yelled for DAD to get off.  Joe never forgot that Incident,  nor forgave his Father - altho that would change after our Father died and JOE  inherited the Family Business, a very lucrative Junkyard.  To our Father, JOEY was a 'wimp of a son' - that's how he always viewed his only Son.  He was not macho; he had strawberry blond hair & big blue eyes; he'd have made such a pretty girl. He did not play sports; he was "NO SON" of Louie Koopersmith's.

EVENT #3:

JOE's Third Attacker (as I call the People who physically abuse a Battered Male Victim was Girlfriends he had from high school on).  This is a hypothetical:  I have no idea WHO these women/girls  are or knew if they had any violent or mean streaks as I was 2.5 years older than he and had no Interest in what he was into although I did admire his Expertise in the Harley Davidson Motorcycle World). This is all left up to speculation. Joe & I were in high school during the same period in the 1960s.  He was pulling up The Rear being born in 1955; me in 1952.

INSERT:  In the Mid 20-Teens (2015 or so) I did receive an Email from a Woman who had an Affair with him. He evidently dropped her; she was out for Revenge and decided to contact his Family.  Not wanting to do with his Extra-Marital Affairs I did not contact her.  I personally do not approve of Extra Marital Affairs - even if the Marriage is on the Rocks, as his had been since 1988.  That's another Side that yet will never be known.

EVENT #4:

JOE's Fourth Attacker (as I call The People who physically abuse a Battered Male Victim was Linda Koopersmith, his  & my younger Sister born in 1959.  When Our Parents divorced in 1976-1977, Linda sided with our abusive & psychotic Father (who 'bought her' in order to win his Divorce Case). If he could prove that Mom was an 'unfit Mother,' he would not have to pay her a Penny for the 25 years of Marriage - time they spent together in NOT SO HAPPY BLiSS.  During Our Parents' Divorce, JOE remained neutral. Linda sided with Louie (our Father) as he bribed her in order to win the(ir) Case.  I returned home from Chicago where I was living (leaving a very lucrative Career in Advertising) to care for My Mother as her Divorce Attorney, Harold N. Solomon, specifically told me he feared for her Life.  Louie had henchmen; Louie was into clandestine adventures at night, leaving our Family Home to meet with other Men to discuss illicit Topics that are always in the News.  To protect my Life & Mother's, I will not WHAT IT WAS although I do know. 

In 1976 after My Maternal Grandmother died, Louie had threatened to kill MOM (in order for her to PIPE-DOWN).   Basically he did not wish to give her any Money after she had been married to him for 25 years; raising his 3 kids; kept his house, etc. while he ran the Town of Mendota, IL as its MAYOR, a small Farming Community, 100 miles SW of Chicago from 1951 to 1977. 

EVEN one of the top Reporters, Mike O'Connor of The Mendota Reporter (our Town's Newspaper) found that DAD lied; saying he went to Drake University & actually fakes a diploma making him look as if he graduated from a University.  This showed how treacherous Louis Koopersmith really was.  Narcissist is how he would be diagnosed.

The Attacks Linda (our Sister) waged on JOE are considered Mental Abuse and continue to this Day, even after his Death. She is another "Little Louie" - the Acorn does not fall far from the Tree.  In a nutshell, MOM won her Divorce Case, but she received a Pittance after 25 years of Marriage.  Linda received the Family Home (a 7 room ranch style home that sat on a hill across Lake Mendota - on the Rich Side of Town - for siding with Louie (our Father); Joey received the Junkyard which is considered a very lucrative Business to have; estimated at $500,000 when he sold it to an area junk dealer - in order to move to Oregon (The State) which he did in the 1980s.  Linda, our Sister, as  a Gold Digger, who is the greediest Person (next to Donald Trump) on Planet Earth approached Joey.  She insinuated that she wanted JOEY to remain in Chicago (while she went to school in Arizona & then move to Los Angeles) to "work the junkyard" (as it was a real MONEY-MAKER) and that SHE  & HIM would "live off the Money" that the business was generating.  At that time, this Junkyard made our Family a FORTUNE, placing us  into  the TOP 3 richest Families in Mendota.  Never wanting to do this and never dreaming of being  a partner with Linda (because of her Nastiness & the Vices she inherited from our Father) JOEY quickly sold the junkyard and left town, moving as far away from Mendota as he could - to the West Coast - Pacific NW.  Joey & Linda never got along after that Point in our Family. 

#1 Let's not forget that Joey & Linda (after the Death of our FATHER) should have returned the House in Mendota & the Junkyard to my Mother as she help build this Empire with my father from 1951 to 1977; not them.  This never occurred to them & because of this Mom was forced to live a "meager life."  These Two  Siblings were the "Kids from HELL."

EVENT #5:

JOE's Fifth Attacker (as I call The People who physically abuse a Battered Male Victim was Kay Koopersmith, his Wife, a Divorcee who married JOE for his Money and nothing but.  So ashamed of her as he was, he never told OUR MOTHER that they were even married.  Had I not gone to Oregon at the end of the 1980s - in October of 1989 to try to "MAKE NICE BETWEEN FAMILY MEMBERS", I would never have found out.  Now, as so many People are contacting me about his Death (as stunned as Mom & I are), many have admitted they did not even know he was married.  Now, that's telling you about how DYSFUNCTIONAL that Relationship - Marriage was...yet it continued for over 3 Decades.  After only  5 years, JOE wanted a Divorce. They needed Counseling & outside help.   Kay would not grant the Divorce as she had too much to lose by being with such a BREADWINNER. Kay physically & mentally abused Joe, but still lingered til he died 33 years later on January 6, 2020 at 5:23 PM Oregon Time.

ONE really has to stop and wonder WHY. 
If you do not like someone - something:  From a Boss to a Spouse, get the heck out of that Environment.  No one knows how Stress & Strain works.  It will KILL YOU. It killed my Brother.  A month ago & he is not coming back.

I find that to be: Total Insanity.  So many People - friend's of JOE's have told MOM & me that if he had been free of HER, he would still be alive.  There's only so much Stress a Heart can take.  

EVENT #6:

JOE's Fifth Attacker (as I call the People who physically abuse a Battered Male Victim was Betty F. Koopersmith, our Mother who really was Joe's only Confidante through(out) his Life.  When he was 6 years old and suffered from Spinal Meningitis, she was the only one (not even the nurses) would go into his hospital room and take care of him.  Difficult as JOEY is/was as a Personality (who had a strange chip on his shoulder),  many People could not really 'converse with' as he would BLOW UP - much like his Father would.  Joe's Family  history (as Son & Brother to our immediate Family)  is that he would never go on family vacations with us.  He hung out with older Men (in the Harley Davidson Motorcycle World where he found acceptance and loved the Motorcyle LifeStyle that it afforded him);  he never participated in Family Parties in Chicago, where Mom's relatives lived. He was MISSING IN ACTION, but back in the 1960s, there was NO DCFS.  When he stayed HOME ALONE, he was safe & sound and enjoyed being by himself; much as I did, wanting to do my own thing as a Solo Practitioner.   But then again, in retrospect, you cannot blame him because:

1)  I would clobber him;
2)  his Father, Louis beat him;

3)  his Mother, Betty  couldn't talk sense into Dad when he were in his violent rages; &
4)  his younger Sister, Linda when she was out to "milk him" as she does to all the men she meets and has met during the Course of her Life. 

JOE had no one to turn to.  There were no TALK SHOWS 'back then.'  No Oprah.  No Dr. Phil.  No outsider in which to TALK IT OUT. 

5)  To his wife of 38 years, she saw him as a Meal Ticket; married to a much younger & richer Man (is prestigious) and always will be to an OLD COUGAR; and now sits pretty on Three (3) Houses that my Brother built.  Yet, she has not sent back any of Joey's Pictures or Memorabilia that Our Mother would like to hold on to.

CONCLUDING REMARKS:

Most of you must be scratching your heads.  Gosh, we looked like such a NICE FAMILY from 'The Outside.'  Well, guess what, Folks, that really wasn't so...

What a Story to behold. 
What a cast of Characters.

I never thought I'd be writing any Thing of this nature.  However, if anything is to be learned from this horrible Set of Circumstances that ranged for a Span of 64 Years & 282 Days is that what is put on The Death Certificate may hardly even begin to SCRATCH THE SURFACE of what was going on in The Deceased's Life.  Joey accumulated and suffered at The Hands of many People.  All People who were close to him. Family.  Many of us did not even know IT was abuse that would culminate in this sadly horrific Demise of a Good Kid & Guy.  

LET's EXAMINE THIS CLOSELY:

Was it sibling rivalry when I hit my Bro?
Was it parental discipline when our Father beat Joe with his belt?
Was it ignorance that MOM did not call the Oregon Cops when she learned Kay tortured Joe with a Hammer?
Did Linda really think Joey would toil and work the junkyard & give her a share of his inheritance?

What appears normal was totally twisted in this FAMILY STRUCTURE...

Of course, I'm a Sociology Major so I see things differently than MOST People do. 

THE PURPOSE OF THIS BLOG:

SCRATCH THE SURFACE!
Find out what's going.
Help Somebody who does not have THE TOOLS.  There's more JOEYS 'out there' than you think.  Web MD states that 830,000 men are abused yearly.   Don't be shy:

A  S  K

if there is anything wrong.

Start a CONVERSATION.  It may save a Life.  

For the Incident when "DAD" pummeled Joey to an inch of his Life and beat him on his back that could have crippled him with his massive 220 pound frame to the snide and condescending insinuations of his younger Sister and his gold-digging Wife, to the blow that I enforced when he was a pesky Little Bro., these Batterings all added up to be great Stressors in his Life that affected his HEART, but more than that his Spirit so that he tumbled and was not able to get up and fight for himself.  He let everything brew within him.  

Spending 33/38 Years in a loveless Marriage in which he wanted OUT is totally pathetic.
ENTER: Prenup.
ENTER:  Live with someone instead.
ENTER:  You never know who you are living with...

The Segues are endless.

However, our Parents were married for 25 years and MOM saw

RED FLAGS

shooting up within a year of their MARRIAGE - around the time I was born in 1952.  It's sad but those born in the 1920s - that Generation would stay married for THE SAKE OF THE KIDS, not knowing how dastardly these Repercussions could be and may become as they did in my Family's Case.  WE (as a foursome after DAD died in June of 1979) thought the worse was over with - that he would never be able to harm any of us ever again...) but the Tiger was loose...

Had Mom & I any idea that JOEY would die of Stress and Battered Man's Syndrome, We could have insisted that he leave his Marriage.  However, Kay's bullying & violent Tactics included an array of Strategies going as far as falling and then saying JOEY had beat her.  My Brother would not harm a gnat.  Furthermore, because of Joey's Personality, he never would take anyone's Advice.  Around me, his Personality was much different than around Mother's - he had a chip on his shoulder.  He was literally his OWN WORSE ENEMY - much as my Father who died at 54-55 years of age.  

Staying in a hopeless and loveless Marriage shows how co-dependent a Wife can be or becomes.  Because there is Money involved, Greed enters and The Scenario takes on a life of its own as it had here.

Throughout The Course of our Parent's Marriage (from 1951-1977), had my Father done a few things according to MOM's refreshing Plan and Insights, he may still be alive today although the EVIL OF HIS WAYS in filing the Divorce showed he had other Plans that included a Marriage to another Woman and her 3 Kids who were probably his.  But Lola (now dead) was smart and cunning.  She left MY FATHER with a $100,000 check right before he died in June of 1979 - only 18 months after our Parent's Divorce.   Come to think about it, although he died of Stomach Cancer, I'm sure the Stress of his Cancer affected his System as he died (very young) at 54-55.  

THE DECADE that was...
THE PEOPLE who were...

Therefore, this detailed Analysis of the Life & Times of my Brother,

JOEL STEVEN KOOPERSMITH

is here for Public Consumption as I know he is not the ONLY MAN who is suffering or has suffered from:

BATTERED MAN SYNDROME.

It's exactly like Domestic Violence -- except the Victim is the Male.



The JOEL STEVEN KOOPERSMITH BATTERED MALE CAMPAIGN (C)2020
officially launches on his 65TH Birthday on:

Monday, March 30, 2020.

It's my Way to keep his Memory alive - although he offered so much more but suffered greatly at the same Time. More than that since he (for the most part shunned Publicity), it's a way for PEOPLE to read about PEOPLE (those stated above) who touch our Lives.  If you see this - these Characteristics or Actions in YOU - or anyone else in your Mists: 

SAY OR DO SOMETHING BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.

It is too late for JOE.

A 91 year old Mother (who weighs 90 pounds) should not have to bury her 64 year old Son.
Who knows how long she will live now...

...she could very well die of a broken Heart. She already is. 

For those of you seeing yourself in any of the 6 Characters above, STOP immediately and regroup.  One Word - One Look - can bring on THE STRESS.  All of us have OUR SIDES.  AND MOODS.  Most Abusers are not Abusers 24/7.  Many do not even know they are - according to the Dictionary's Definition.  The Amount of ABUSE one person experiences may be more hurtful than what another experiences.

"We  all have different Threshholds & Capacities for & of PAIN."  

ASK QUOTE:  February 7, 2020 - 7:58 AM CST

But the Years do add up.  And so does the PAIN.  Physical & Mental Anguish is killer and can kill.

I'm just saying that JOE' DEATH CERTIFICATE which states he died of a Heart Attack is only a small percentage of what really happened in his Life & how he internalized these Relationships.  Even those that happened Decades ago, left their Mark.  I surely wish We had a DELETE KEY to run his Life over again.

MARK YOUR CALENDAR FOR:

Monday, March 30, 2020 for the Unveiling of:

The Joel Steven Koopersmith Battered Man Campaign (C)2020.

Joe died on a Monday - The Campaign airs on a Monday, the 12TH his his Death.

Every Monday, this ISSUE should be aired by all the major & minor Media as well as taught in SCHOOL; from Kindergarten on so CHILDREN will not have to suffer.  Let's save People; let's save Future Generations.  

You may never know until it's too late.  I know I never did.  Consider these Words when interacting with others...both near and afar. 

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GOT QUESTIONS?  Feel free to ASK  me anything you would like at:

Adrienne(dot)Sioux(dot)Koopersmith(at)gmail(dot)com

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